And they say that women are the weak sex!
by Sanae
Summary: Being a woman is hard, everybody knows that but, have you ever asked yourselves how men feel when faced with our "little" problems?
1. Heero against the almighty PMS

**And they say women are the weak sex!**

_Something silly I've decided to write while I'm taking a break before writing the sequel of "Once is Enough". It may become a series with the other GW pairings. I don't know just yet (one has her job, relationship and family/friends to take care of!)_

_STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIES._

1. Heero against the almighty PMS:

Heero arrived home after a very dangerous mission. He had defeated an entire gang of nasty horrible people that were threatening the peaceful world that his new wife had worked so much to achieve.

"Honey, I'm home!" said cheerfully, well, as cheerful as Heero can get. The anger management sessions where paying off and he was becoming more, lacking of another more appropriate word, sociable.

Not getting a reply he started getting worried. He fled to the living room. Empty. Then to the kitchen. Empty. Then he ran upstairs. All rooms empty. Even the bathrooms. The only possibility left was the garden. Heero went there. Relena was there, sitting on the floor next to a plant.

At first there were no signs of something going wrong. Then he heard some sniffing and sobbing: Relena was crying.

"Baby…hey…What's up?" Heero asked his wife kneeling next to her and putting an arm around her shoulders.

"It's dead…" Relena replied with a small voice.

"What? What is dead?" asked a very worried Heero.

"The plant…" Relena said.

"What?!" Heero said not sure he had heard right.

"The plant! The PLANT IS DEAD!!!" the dark blonde young woman screamed, then, she got up suddenly, making Heero fall on his bum in the process. She just stood there with her eyes full of tears pointing with her finger the poor dead plant.

"Ah. Ok…" started saying Heero getting up from the floor.

"OK? What on earth is ok, uh?" said Relena looking at her husband accusingly. "Have you no feelings? The poor thing is dead and you only manage to say 'Ah, Ok…' Oh, Heero, sometimes…" Relena just sighted and started crying some more.

Heero was incredibly confused. What on earth was all of this about? What had he done wrong? This morning when he left Relena was fine…now she was a nervous wreck. Heero didn't know what to say nor do.

Then Relena turned around and ran to the kitchen.

Heero followed her.

When he arrived to the kitchen he saw Relena getting something out of the oven.

"OH NO!!! I COMPLETELY FORGOT!" she screamed again.

"What?" Heero asked carefully.

"I COMPLETELY BURNED THE LASAGNE, I AM A FAILURE AS A WIFE, AS A WOMAN AND AS A PERSON!!" she screamed again dropping the tray on a wooden board on the kitchen worktop. Then she started crying again.

Heero was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He had never felt so impotent in his life: what the heck was wrong with Relena tonight?

"Darling, it actually looks ok to me…" said Heero grabbing a fork and trying a bit of the burnt lasagne, "…it's a bit burned on the top but the rest is fine…look…sweetie, I am eating it…it's fine…"

"You're only saying this because you don't want to upset me," said Relena getting even sadder.

"No…look Relena, I don't know what's wrong with you, but I'm sure if you tell me I will be able to help you," Heero said while eating some more of the lasagne, he was actually quite hungry and the lasagne was not too bad…again, because of his days as a professional soldier, he was used to eating very weird things so his opinion didn't really count…

Then, the unthinkable happened: Relena Darlian-Peacecraft Yuy walked towards her husband and grabbing the tray with the lasagne, threw it out the kitchen window breaking the glass. Apparently this got her even more upset and started shouting and throwing things all over the place.

'Oh my gosh, thank goodness she is supposed to be a pacifist!' Heero thought while taking cover underneath one of the tables. After a few minutes, the mayhem stopped and he heard her crying again.

Not seeing any other option he came out from the table took one injection from his briefcase and gave Relena some sedatives. She quickly fell sleep. He then called the hospital and asked to speak to a doctor.

"Hello, I am doctor McKenzie, how can I help you?" a male voice replied.

"Hello, I am Heero Yuy, look, tonight when I came back from work I found my wife crying over a dead plant, then she shouted at me, she never does that, then she went to the kitchen and started crying again because she had burnt our dinner and just know she has been throwing things all over the place in the kitchen…I am beginning to get scared you know…Could you send an ambulance here, please?" said Heero trying to calm down as much as he could.

"Mr Yuy, Is your wife pregnant?" asked the doctor.

"No. I don't think so…She had her last period just over two weeks ago…" replied Heero not understanding what it had to do with anything.

"AH! Ok…then it's normal…" said the doctor shocking Heero.

"How exactly is this supposed to be normal? I'm sorry doc but, I don't see any normality about my wife screaming, shouting at me, crying for nothing at all and creating sheer chaos in the kitchen," said Heero trying to sound as alarmed as he could.

"Yes I see. But your wife is affected by a very normal, common syndrome. It is called the premenstrual syndrome. It is a minor psychological condition caused by the erratic hormonal levels," explained the doctor like if he was talking about the most normal thing.

"Do you know about this? Have you warned the authorities?" asked Heero feeling really freaked out.

"Everybody knows about this… it is quite common, you know…"replied the doctor almost laughing.

"Is there something you can do about this?" said Heero trying to ignore the doctor's humorous tone of voice.

"Yes. There are some hormonal treatments to prevent it. Why don't you call tomorrow for an appointment so we can discuss them?" proposed the doctor.

"Ok. I will. Thanks," replied Heero thinking that the world had gone mad.

"You're welcome…" replied the doctor before putting the phone down.

Heero sat on the sofa, staring at his sleeping wife, no wonder they had so much work to do! This bloody people had known about something that could cause the total destruction from the entire universe and had done nothing to prevent it?


	2. Duo's silly game

Duo's silly game

Duo was so happy: he had finally managed to finish all the work he had to do for today, he had been rushing all over the place so he would get home early and Hilde was out for the evening visiting a friend of hers. Fantastic!

Not that he was happy for not seeing her…no, no, don't get this wrong. He would miss her…but only during half time.

Yes, because today, Duo's favourite football team had finally got in the Intercolonial League finals. He had even bet some money, breaking his rigid rule not to bet with anything than his own life. He was absolutely sure that his team would win.

He rushed home stopping on his way there to buy a six pack beer and plenty of crisps. When he finally got home he did not hear anything. Ok, this meant that Hilde was already out.

He put the beer inside the fridge and went to get himself comfortable. Had a quick shower, brushed his long hair and redid his braid. Now he was ready. There was a pre-game programme starting half an hour before it. Meanwhile he would watch the sports news.

Then he heard them: female voices. Oh my Lord, not her…not Stephanie…From all women in the entire ESUN, having Stephanie in your house always meant bad news.

Cautiously, Duo went downstairs.

"Hi baby…we changed our minds…" said Hilde as soon as she saw him.

"Changed your minds about what?" asked Duo suddenly afraid of his wife's reply.

"Well, we decided to watch the movie here. It will start soon…" said Hilde.

"Ah…and...what was wrong with Stephanie's house?" asked Duo trying hard not to sound scared.

"Well, her husband had the nerve to tell her that he wanted to watch that silly football's final…" explained Hilde.

"Ah, really? How funny, I was…" started saying Duo but got interrupted by Stephanie. Oh lord, how much he hated her for that.

"Yes, you're a lucky girl having such a sensitive husband…mine is just an ass, making such a huge deal about that match…really, who cares?".

Duo thought, 'I DO YOU SILLY COW!' but, making a huge mental effort, refrained from saying it aloud.

"Baby…I just wanted to say…" started Duo again.

"Oh, baby, can't it wait till the end of the movie, it is really starting sometime soon…" said Hilde turning the TV on and selecting the right channel.

Duo did not know what to do. He badly wanted to watch the match but, again, he did not want to appear to be an ass. Especially not in front of Stephanie.

He just did not get it. How could someone as nice as Hilde befriend someone as bitchy as Stephanie…

Anyway, he had bigger problems now. He needed to find a way to watch that match. He decided to try the desperate way: beg for it...

"Baby…I know you may think I am selfish, but I really was looking forward watching that silly game…".

"What? You too? What's with men and games?? Don't you have anything better to do with your time than to watch twenty two men in shorts running after a stupid ball?" said Stephanie looking, first at Duo accusingly, then at Hilde sympathetically.

"Duo, can't you record it or something?" asked Hilde trying to be helpful.

"Baby…Is just that…you know, I actually pay a fortune to have the cable TV so I can watch it live…If I wanted to see it recorded, I would watch it in the public TV channel…" said Duo thinking that he had a good argument there that would convince her.

"See what I mean? Now he's appealing at the economic side of it so you go all sensible and leave him to watch the game…" said Stephanie giving Duo an urge to get some gumtape and seal her mouth shut.

"Please…Duo…we've been looking forward watching this movie ever since it was advertised…you know it is a cable only movie…" said Hilde.

"Then why don't YOU record it?" asked Duo feeling miserable.

"Oh yes smarty, so tomorrow when we meet our girlfriends they can explain it to us, huh?" said Stephanie making Duo really wish that he had not blown Death Scythe up…

Then his wife, came up to him and said with a very sweet voice:

"Baby…I will be VERY grateful if you let us watch the movie here…"

Oh no! He just hated it when she did that…Now, how was he going to be such a huge bastard and say no to her? Of course, he could not.

"Duo? What are you doing here?" asked Matt surprised to find his wife's best friend's husband standing on his doorway.

"Your wife and my wife are at my place right now," said Duo.

"Ah…I get it…come in…" replied Matt looking at Duo understandingly.

"I brought some beers…" said Duo sitting on Matt's couch putting the supermarket's bag on the table.

"Cheers…" replied Matt.


	3. Trowa's space problems

3. Trowa's space problems:

Trowa and Midii had been married for only two weeks. In fact, they've just moved into their new apartment after their honeymoon in some L-4 colony resort owned by the Winner Corporation.

They started to get all the things out from the boxes. It was unbelievable how many things they had managed to gather! Trowa doubted that there would be enough space for all of it.

Midii offered to start unpacking the bedroom boxes while Trowa was unpacking the living room ones.

He first opened the box containing his books. The first to come out was, 'How to befriend wild beasts in 10 easy steps', the next one was, 'The art of knife dodging'…

Once he was finished there, he started with the kitchen boxes.

It was quite strange. Midii had been very quiet. Trowa was beginning to worry so he decided to go upstairs.

He found his wife emptying the boxes from the bathroom.

"Is everything ok?" asked Trowa.

"Sure. I'm almost finished here. How are you doing downstairs?" replied Midii.

"Oh, I'm finished. Now we have the boxes for the garage but, we can unpack that later," said Trowa.

"Ah, ok. Babe, you can find your things on the bed, so if you want you can start putting your clothes away while I finish here," said Midii.

"Ok, I'll do that," Trowa said heading to their room.

As Midii had told him, he did find his clothes neatly folded on their bed. He opened the wardrobe. It was all already full except a tiny section of one of the shelves and a drawer.

He moved to the shoe rack. Again, all full. Midii had left space only for two pairs of shoes.

"Midii…honey…" said Trowa shouting so Midii could hear him.

"What?" he heard her reply.

"Baby, could you come here, please?" asked Trowa.

Surely this was a mistake. Midii had miscalculated the space used. He could easily ask her to move things around a little so he would have his fair share of the space.

"What's wrong?" asked Midii once she got to their room.

"Well…see, I've found only a small portion of the shelf empty and a drawer…" said Trowa certain that the issue would be solved in no time at all.

"So?" was his wife's shocking reply.

"Well, I don't think I have enough space…" started saying Trowa.

"Yes you do, you've got plenty of space, besides, I have more clothes than you do so I need more space," said Midii matter-of-factly.

"Yes but…" said Trowa losing hope.

"Baby, you don't really want to start an argument already, do you?" asked Midii looking at him with puppy eyes.

"Well…no…but…" started saying Trowa.

"Then, I don't see what the problem is. I personally think that with the amount of clothes you have, that portion of shelf and the drawer is plenty enough space…" said Midii. Then she went to the wardrobe and started moving some of her things around, and said:

"Ok…to show you how good hearted I am, you can have also the rest of the shelf. Happy? Now you have a WHOLE shelf and a WHOLE drawer ALL for you…".

With this, she just left the room to go to finish unpacking the bathroom stuff.

Trowa sighted and started putting his clothes away as well as he could. Once he had finished doing that, he went to the bathroom to start sorting his things out there.

Then he saw it: Midii had already invaded the entire bathroom cupboard and had left him with a grand total of one small drawer and a third of the mirror's glass shelf.

Trowa sighted again and try to keep cool.

He finished fairly soon and went downstairs. What he found there, was too much:

His wife, with nonchalance, was removing all his books from the shelf he had chosen.

Trowa, not being able to cope with it any longer, just left the apartment mumbling something similar to:

"BabyI'mgonnafeedthelions…".

NEXT: Quatre hates shopping

A/N: Big thanks to all reviewers. I wanted to say sorry to all the G-Gals fans. I know I am picturing them as selfish heartless bitches, but, let's admit it, sometimes we can be…well, a bit of a challenge.

So, this is dedicated to all men that manage, more or less, to cope with us…


	4. Quatre hates shopping

4. Quatre hates shopping

Quatre was examining a few documents in his office. Suddenly, he heard some voices in the outside hall.

Then the door burst open, it was one of Quatre's twenty nine sisters. He looked over his sister's shoulder. Behind her were the rest of the Arabian man's sisters. ALL of them.

"Quatre…sweetie pie, wouldn't you be a star and take us shopping, would you?" asked the said sister whose name Quatre could not actually remember.

"All…of…you?" stuttered Quatre.

"Oh, yes! They've just opened a new mall and we want to go and see it…" replied another one of his sisters that, by now, had invaded the sancta sanctorum that was his office.

"But, why don't you go alone?" asked Quatre, looking rather hopeful.

"Baby brother, we want to go with you because we never do anything together, besides you work too much so we thought you would appreciate the change of air, " replied yet another sister.

Quatre winced: 'baby brother'! He was twenty years old!

"And, why don't we go for dinner tonight?" replied Quatre.

"NO! WE WANT TO GO SHOPPING!" exclaimed the one that had spoken first.

"Ok, ok…we'll go shopping then," surrendered Quatre. Now, if you had twenty nine older sisters, you would know better than to argue with them, wouldn't you?

So, Quatre found himself boarding the family bus that was going to take them to the shopping centre and, as soon as they got there, Quatre was dragged to the first one of the 75 shops that the shopping centre had.

This one was a clothes shop. Quatre had to start picking things up for them, running from one place to the other getting this in a bigger size or that in a smaller one…

Then, of course, he had to give an objective opinion on every single one of the piece of clothing that his sisters picked.

Finally, they went to the next shop. A lingerie one. Quatre was filled with fear at the thought he would have to see all of his sister's with their choice of underwear on them.

Just in case this was not cruel enough, the next shop they went to was the accessories one. They spent there over an hour picking handbags, scarves, hairclips and every single useless thing you may imagine.

Quatre told himself to be patient. He had to be or else, he foresaw a catastrophe of titanic proportions happening any time soon.

They moved to the next shop, and then to the next and to the one after…till they had gone through the entire mall.

Quatre got home absolutely exhausted. Not only physically but specially psychologically. He thought that if he ever saw any piece of clothing, accessory, lingerie or house stuff he would collapse emotionally.

He went to bed having nightmares about shopping centres chasing him and bras strangling him.

He really had a rough night. He only wished for it to be over so he would be back to work in the morning.

And, in fact, he was peacefully working, since all of his sisters were resting, when he heard a knock in the door.

It was his girlfriend Dorothy Catalonia. She had something behind her back. Showing it Quatre saw something that made his left eyebrow twitch: A SHOPPING BAG!

Dorothy, unaware of the whole ordeal he had been through the day before, took a garment out of the shopping bag and asked sweetly:

"I bought it yesterday, what do you think?".

Quatre could not cope with it any longer. He literally crawled over his desk. Jumped in front of his girlfriend and, in the same psychotic way than when he was under the effects from Zero and, with his usually beautiful turquoise blue eyes completely shot in blood, started shouting:

"Shopping centres are evil. I will destroy all shopping centres! NONE SHALL SURVIVE!!!!!!!".

NEXT: Wufei and the weight watchers programme.


	5. Wufei and the weight watchers programme

5. Wufei and the weight watchers programme

The Chinese pilot was doing his daily meditation in the garden when his wife Sally told him to come in for dinner.

He had been fearing that moment ever since he had woken up that morning. He did not know what was wrong but, he started noticing quite a big change in their eating habits. The kitchen was full of wholemeal bread, fruit and veggies and every single sort of healthy food you can imagine. Wufei, being known for his gourmet tastes, was used to eat a lot and to enjoy the tasty delicacies from the Chinese cuisine. He would give up anything but two things: good food and his katana.

Wufei went inside the house and headed towards the dinning room. His plate was already on the table.

Oh no! Not again! It was the third night in a row. Bloody boiled carrots and green beans.

"Onna, what is this?" asked Wufei with the patronising tone of voice used exclusively to speak to women.

"It's dinner…of course…" replied his wife.

"Ah…I don't mean to be difficult but, am I mistaken or this is the third night in a row that we eat boiled carrots with green beans?" asked Wufei.

"No, you are right. This is the third time in a row" replied Sally nonchalantly.

"And may I ask why is that?" asked Wufei refusing to touch his food.

"Because we are on a diet," replied Sally starting to eat.

"And who has exactly decided we should be on a diet?" asked Wufei not believing his ears.

"Me, of course," replied Sally starting to get annoyed.

"But, why? I don't need to be on a diet," replied Wufei not knowing what he was about to face.

"SO! YOU DO THINK I NEED TO BE ON A DIET, DON'T YOU!?! YOU THINK I AM FAT!!" shouted Sally.

"What? Onna! You don't know what you're saying! I have not said such thing…" said Wufei still not knowing what he was about to face.

"YOU DON'T NEED TO! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING! YOU THINK I'M FAT BUT YOU STILL DON'T WANT TO HELP ME!! YOU STUPID SELFISH BASTARD!!" Sally said getting even more angry and shouting even louder than before.

Wufei started, slowly to understand that his wife was angry with him.

"This is unjust. You are accusing me of doing something I have not done, onna, you need to calm down," started saying Wufei only to get interrupted by his wife crashing a plate on the floor.

"SO NOW I AM FAT AND HYSTERICAL, AREN'T I?" Said Sally now starting to cry.

Wufei did not know what to do at this stage. What was wrong with that onna anyway? Wufei knew that he could not expect much stability from someone as weak as a woman but, this was a tad exaggerated.

"Sally. I will repeat it once more. I do not think you are fat, never have. Now, can we have a normal dinner?" asked Wufei trying his best to sound at least a bit kind.

"You're only saying that because you don't want to help me. I know I am fat, I am not that stupid, and I know you think so too," said Sally sobbing.

"Can I know where you got that from?" asked Wufei totally confused.

"You told me yourself!" said Sally storming out of the room leaving Wufei thinking when the heck had he said such thing.

Not finding the answer, he decided to follow her. He found her in the bedroom, still sobbing.

"Sally…come on…stop crying…you know that I hate seeing you onnas cry…" said Wufei.

Then Sally turned to face him and shouted:

"YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK YOU ARE TOO WEAK TO FOLLOW THE DIET WITH ME! I DON'T THINK YOU'D BE ABLE TO HAVE THE WILLPOWER TO DO IT! YOU'RE WEAK AND YOU ARE NOT SLEEPING HERE TONIGHT! LEAVE THIS ROOM AT ONCE!"

Wufei, seeing the onna was serious, decided to leave the room and saw her closing the door behind him. He still thought that if he left her alone for a while she would calm down when he heard the door being opened again. Sally threw at him his pillow at his face and mumbled 'goodnight', then closed the door again and this time she actually locked it.

"Sally. Onna, come on, open up!" Wufei shouted.

No reply.

"Sally…open up, please…" Said Wufei making an evident physical effort to say the word 'please'.

Still no answer.

"Arghh! THIS IS SO UNJUST!!!" shouted Wufei heading to the dinning room to settle for the night on the couch as comfortable as he could.

"That bloody onna! Too weak! She actually said she thought I was too WEAK to be on a diet!!" thought the Chinese man aloud. He could not believe it.

From the next day, Wufei dedicated himself to a diet consisting in wholemeal bread, boiled carrots and water. He refused to eat anything else. Till one day that he secretly heard Sally speaking to someone throw their videocom…

"Lucrezia, I'm afraid you'll have to give me the money: I have won the bet!".

"No way! Did you really manage to get Wufei on a diet?" replied Lucrezia.

"Sure I did!" exclaimed Sally sounding happy.

Wufei tried to react but, being too weak from the the lack of proper nutrition, he just fainted…

Next: Milliardo's bad hair day.


	6. Milliardo's bad hair day

Milliardo's bad hair day

Every morning Milliardo woke up very early. He had to wash his hair and, of course, that took him ages since he had to blow dry it straight in order to have his mane in pristine order.

He always tried not to wake his wife Lucrezia up since she was absolutely terrible first thing in the morning. You really did not want to talk to her before she had had at least two cups of strong, sugarless, black coffee.

He got in the shower and started the usual process. First he let the water run down the entire length of his hair. Then he started applying the shampoo massaging his scalp. He had read somewhere that that made your hair grow stronger.

Then, after rinsing it carefully, he applied the hair mask and, with a comb, he ensured that the mask got everywhere.

After a while, he rinsed the mask off and after washing himself, stepped out of the shower and started towel drying his hair. You would really have to decide who loved his hair more, Duo Maxwell or Milliardo Peacecraft. It was a really close thing really, but, unlike the Deathscythe pilot, Milliardo enjoyed when his hair was loose.

He came out of the bathroom to find Lucrezia standing in the middle of their room with a really freaky smirk on her face.

"Good morning Lu…" said Milliardo cautiously.

Lucrezia did not reply. She just kept staring at him. Then Milliardo saw something shiny behind her back.

"Baby, what do you have there?" asked Milliardo starting to get really afraid.

"What, this?" asked Lucrezia producing a thirty centimetres long pair of scissors.

Milliardo gasped. Instinctively, he started looking for places to either escape or hide. Stupidity made him ask:

"What are you doing with those?".

"I'm going to cut it all off!" finally shouted Lucrezia "All off, all off…ha ha ha ha ha!!!" laughed maniacally while starting to get closer to him.

Milliardo finally reacted and tried to make it to the door. He managed to do so but as he ran outside the room he started hearing the scissors open and close dangerously close to his back.

"LUCREZIA!!! ARE YOU OUT OF YOR MIND!?! PUT THOSE SCISSORS AWAY IMMEDIATELY!!" shouted Milliardo while being chased around the house by his crazed wife.

"NO! I AM FED UP!! I HAVE ASKED YOU NUMEROUS TIMES TO CUT YOUR HAIR!! I CANNOT STAND THE FACT THAT MY HUSBAND HAS LONGER HAIR THAN I DO!! NOW, I WILL CUT IT ALL OFF!! ALL OFF!!" replied Lucrezia shouting.

Milliardo looked back briefly to see that his wife was still chasing him and she was really serious about it. He was scared like he had never been in his entire life.

He needed to come up with a plan and fast. What the heck was wrong with her that morning? She was usually bad but today…man, she was psychotic…

Finally, he made it back to their bedroom and locked the door behind him. He was safe, for now.

Milliardo sat on the bed completely freaked out trying to think what to do. Lucrezia kept pounding the door. He could still hear her totally psychotic laugher. Then he saw it. It was a blister of tablets that was laying on his wife's bedside table. At first he thought that they were the contraceptive pills he knew Lucrezia usually took every morning. Taking a better look he realised that this pills were different. They were light blue instead of pink. He took the blister's box and took the information leaflet out of the box, Milliardo then read:

Ginkonium

Composition: caffeine, ginko ginseng and ephredine extracts.

Dosage: 1/4 of the pill to be taken in case of extreme physical or mental fatigue.

He checked the blister again. He then realised that at least two pills were missing. Milliardo headed towards the videocom and called the base's doctor.

"Dr Andrews, it's Milliardo Peacecraft, we have a problem," Milliardo said starting to fear for the door's integrity.

"What's the matter?" said the good doctor.

"My wife Lucrezia is out of her mind, I think she's taken two pills from some medicine called 'Ginkonium'…and now she's chasing me around with a pair of scissors. I'm locked in our bedroom right now but, I just don't know what to do," reported Milliardo sounding every bit as scared as he was.

"Oh, my! Mr Peacecraft, you should stay there. That medicine is pretty dangerous if you take an overdose: you should wait till its effects wear off. Then you're wife will probably faint and you'll be safe. Then you'll need to take her here for a check," explained Dr Andrews.

"Really? And, how long will that take?" asked Milliardo.

"No more than two hours…" said the doctor.

"Oh gosh…" replied Milliardo getting mentally ready to wait for such a long time.

Two hours later, as predicted by the doctor, Milliardo heard a thump. His wife had stopped hitting the door just before that so he assumed it was safe to leave.

After opening carefully the door he saw her on the floor with the scissors nearby. Kicking them as far away as he could, he took Lucrezia in his arms and took her to the medical centre.

Looking as peaceful as she did now it was unbelievable how much she had scared him earlier on. Really, Milliardo preferred fighting against two hundred fully armed mobile dolls than his wife in such an extreme caffeine high!

A/N:

Ephredine is the name of a herb from the alkaloid family. It has, more or less, the same effects than cocaine only that, if used properly, benefits more than damages patients suffering from depression or severe exhaustion. Ginko ginseng, for those that don't know, is a root that has pretty much the same effect in a much smaller scale.

Caffeine: EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT THAT IS, SPECIALLY THE UNDERSIGNED!!

Thanks everyone for their reviews!! You're such great people!

I love you all lots,

Sanae

Next: Special surprise chapter featuring Lady Une and Treize (making a special comeback for the authoress!)


	7. Treize needs to go on paternity leave

To finish off this demented series, I have decided to bring back from the death, the great, super sleek elegant Treize Khushrenada. I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it!

7. Treize needs to go on paternity leave:

Treize had been thrilled when he found out about his daughter Mariemeia. They all thought him dead but, in the best Hollywood style, he had somehow survived and had managed to come back to Earth, discover that he had a offspring and, ultimately, marry the woman of his life: Lady Une.

Naturally, now he no longer called her Lady Une and, Lady Une herself did not call him Mr Treize either.

Just a few months after their wedding, Lady Une learnt she was with child. Treize was overjoyed about this.

Little he knew that, in a few weeks, he would no longer feel so happy.

Une's peculiar personality was well known by everyone though her mental stability had improved a lot since the end of the wars. Unfortunately, it is also well known that expecting women had pretty heavy mood swings, and, of course, Une was no exception to that.

Unfortunately for Treize, her mood swings were a bit more dramatic than those of the other more normal women and Treize, despite being an expert diplomat, found himself totally clueless in front of such behaviour.

He still remembered shivering, the first of the many sleepless nights that were to come. The night that his lovely wife had her first craving:

"YOU! Wake up!" he heard his 'lovely' wife calling him.

"What's the matter, sweetie?" said Treize desperately trying to sound kind and willing to please although he was very sleepy and it annoyed him to death the fact of being awaken in the middle of the night.

"I WANT some pickles," said Une simply and squarely.

"What? Now? Baby, it's three am…why don't you go back to sleep?" tried saying Treize surprised.

"YOU'RE SUCH A BASTARD!" shouted Une and then she started crying.

'Oh geez…what have I done?' thought Treize.

"Ok…I will get you the pickles, is just that I am pretty tired, I really need some sleep," said getting up and putting an arm on his wife's shoulders.

Then, with no previous warning, his wife got up and said, well, shouted actually:

"'I NEED SOME SLEEP', 'I AM PRETTY TIRED', 'ME, ME, ME, AND ALWAYS ME!', THAT IS THE STORY OF OUR RELATIONSHIP! I ALWAYS GIVE, YOU ALWAYS GET! I WAS THE ONE HAVING TO MOURN YOU THINKING YOU WERE DEAD, I WAS THE ONE HAVING TO SUFFER FROM YOUR LOSS, I WAS THE ONE LOOKING AFTER YOUR SPOILT LITTLE BRAT OF A DAUGHTER AFTER I RESCUED HER. I'VE SPENT YEARS TAKING CARE OF YOU, FILLING YOUR BATHS AND YOUR WINE GLASSES AND DOING AND BEHAVING EXACTLY THE WAY YOU TOLD ME TO…NOW, I AM PREGNANT WITH YOUR CHILD AND I WILL BE THE ONE SUFFERING THE PAINS OF CHILDBIRTH. ALL I AM ASKING IN RETURN IS FOR YOU TO GET ME SOME PICKLES AND YOU HUGE BASTARD TELL ME THAT YOU ARE TIRED!! FUCK YOU!"

With this Une turned around to face the window.

Treize was terrified. His mind raced trying desperately to find something to say or do that would calm her down but he just couldn't find the right words.

Finally, he said:

"Une, I don't think its good for the baby if you get so emotional…".

Une turned around and, breathing in to get some air, started shouting again:

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU? A BLOODY DOCTOR? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT IS GOOD FOR ME OR NOT? YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT…I JUST WANT SOME BLOODY PICKLES, BUT I SEE THAT, AS USUAL, I'LL HAVE TO DO IT MYSELF!!"

Then she started leaving for the room. Treize followed her.

"Une…please, I'm sorry, is just that I think it is quite bizarre that you ask for some pickles at this time of the night…it surprised me…that's all…" said Treize once they got to their kitchen.

Une ignored him. She got her pickles and without even looking at him, left the kitchen and headed back to the bedroom.

Treize waited only for two or three seconds making a huge mistake. As soon as he started walking back to the bedroom himself he heard the bedroom's door being shut and locked.

"Une? Baby, why are you locking yourself in the bedroom?" asked a very startled Treize.

"YOU DON'T EXPECT ME TO LET YOU SLEEP HERE NOW, DO YOU? GOOD NIGHT, AND CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY I DON'T KICK YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE…" he heard her shouting through the door.

Then he heard her getting in bed not leaving room for negotiation. Treize stood there not knowing what to do till he heard some noise behind him. He then turned around to face his daughter.

"Daddy, what's wrong? Why is Une shouting?" asked the now ten years old.

"Mariemeia, would you promise something to your daddy?" asked Treize.

"Sure…" replied the girl.

"When you grow up and become an incredibly beautiful woman, please don't be like her," asked Treize, almost begging.

"Ok," replied Mariemeia not fully understanding.

"Good girl, now let's get you in bed," said Treize.

After tucking his daughter back in bed, he went to the living room to settle himself on the settee for the first of many sleepless nights.

THE END

Ok Guys, this is the end of it. Now, I would like to thank, again, everyone for the great reviews you've left. You're great people!

Now, I will get back to work on the sequel of "Once is Enough"…


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